phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
