benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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