I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm like, not good at living.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
