He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
