I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
