Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
