On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
