I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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