I faked an abortion last night.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize