Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
