I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
