talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
