I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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