Nicole vs. Life
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
