and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
