I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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