I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so explain again why im purple
no
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I AM VODKA MAN
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Randomize
