Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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