I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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