Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
