Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
