after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
