Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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