how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
