a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You need Xanax blowdarts
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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