how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
is wine microwaveable?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
