the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
