I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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