so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
