He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
