her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
