So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Randomize
