and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
