that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
