take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
