I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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