I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
