can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
