i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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