I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
