Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
