my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
And then my night got REAL pukey
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
