I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
