I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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