Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
