that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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