I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
