only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
