A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
