I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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