i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
