whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
