I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
