I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
