our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
