Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
