And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
