I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
