he wants to bone in the snuggie
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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