dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
