I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
