if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
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We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
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I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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