I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
