He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
