You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
