12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize