Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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