I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
