I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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