So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
