Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
