once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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