***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wanna passion pit in your ass
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
