i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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