The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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