just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
