??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
