also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
