he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Randomize
