Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
